Finding Heaven

Nashville, TN:  I'm sitting at my desk in my home office, working on about 5 different projects at the same time:  tightening up the final details on a show in San Antonio next weekend, searching for blogs for an upcoming blog tour of Find Your Way Home, photoshopping hundreds of photos from the fall tour (and getting frustrated while Photoshop Bridge keeps crashing on me), transcribing an interview I did with Jordan (a sweet girl in the Magdalene / Thistle Farms program who shared her life story with me over coffee & chocolate chip scones) and spending needless amounts of time reading friends' status updates on Facebook.

I'm also drinking tea to hopefully kick this sore throat I have before it leads to a full-fledged cold and thinking about the other 5+++ things I have to get to at some point soon (put together my taxes, look through Italy pics from '06, go to the gym before it closes, etc. etc.)....

Then a song comes on my iTunes that I haven't heard in years, by an artist named Jann Arden.  I first heard of this Canadian songstress while my heart was being ripped in two by a college boyfriend and her "Insensitive" became the anthem to my pain... right next to Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughta Know."  (God bless angry women who perform music for a living!)

But the song that is now filling up the air is called "Looking For It." It wasn't a single, so I can't find a video or even a soundclip to place here (still trying to figure out how to attach an mp3 to a blog... hopefully I can post an addendum to this story soon -- put in on my list of things to do).  However, I'm listening closely to the words:

I'll bite the hand that feeds the pain

I'll lay my life down for love

I lost the truth, 

I lost my way

But I am looking for it,

Oh I am looking for it now

I am looking for it

I am looking for myself

A savior sent to save the world

An angel has no armor

Now torn and bent, 

no wings unfurl

We are looking for it

We need to find but one thing good

And under every star 

~I'm finding Heaven~

In every breath of air

~I'm finding Heaven~

In everything I have 

~I'm finding Heaven~

In everything I am... 

The world is big, 

the world is bad

But I will find the beauty

I see a vision in my head

I am looking for it

Oh I am looking for it now.

Those words literally just make me stop everything I'm doing.  I take a deep, cleaning breath and let it out through my nose, as I've learned in meditation.  I take another one.  I have been spending so much time focusing on my journey and searching for wholeness and seeking happiness that I sometimes lose sight of the realization...

I am finding it.

I've been so consumed about what HAPPY might look like or how would I actually discover GOD without becoming a crazy southern Christian (no offense to those who are) that I've been missing the point that THIS is the point.  This just for today, living each moment, taking care of yourself and taking care of others, splendidly imperfect life that I am so fortunate to have.

Though there are still down days and painful flashbacks, through my job that I deeply appreciate and all the women of Thistle Farms who I admire and the friends I open up to and the meditation I do (at least) weekly and the working out I do daily (on a good week) and the laughter that comes from no where and the sweet kisses that I wasn't quite sure would actually happen again and the house that now feels like home... it's all coming together.

Polaroid Lives!

Nashville, TN:  I recently received a forward from my friend, sweet Beth, that my beloved Polaroid film will be saved!

Back in February of last year, Polaroid announced it would cease production of all instant film.  I understand how hard it must be for a company, whose schtick of being the only "instant" gratification source in photography, was soon trumped by a slew of digital cameras.  But, for people that use the film for alternative purposes -- say, for instance, Image Transfers and Emulsion Lifts -- there's not a lot we can do with the idea that our medium would soon be extinct!  

I did my part to help the cause -- I signed petitions, I joined the Facebook group and I bought a fair amount of film to store in my fridge, as if I were stocking up on water and batteries for the next great storm.  Heck, even my parents knew how important it was to me when they got me 2 10-packs of film for Christmas, along with my annual fuzzy socks and Starbucks gift card.

But, according to an article in TrendCentral, 

"an Austrian businessman/artist named Florian Kaps recently purchased the Polaroid factory in Enschede, Amsterdam.  An effort called The Impossible Project, Kaps is working with photography company Ilfort to develop new (old school) Polaroid film, which will reportedly hit retail under the Impossible label by December."

Hurrah!  Now this means I actually need to get back to it....  Somehow I feel the creativity creeping back.... 

Sweet Words

Nashville, TN:  

As I kick up the heat a bit on a frosty winter's day, 

drink my freshly blended protein shake 

and turn on the small clock radio next to my bed, 

I hear Steve Inskeep speak the words:

"President Obama."

Such sweet words to start the day.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Las Vegas, NV:  I am very blessed to have not only a cool job but a fairly light work schedule -- or at least light travel schedule -- which allows me to continue building my home life.  However, when I am on the road and, well, life happens... there's nothing I can do to fix it from afar.

For instance...

I have one show in January.  In Las Vegas.  Where I'm currently at right now.  I got a call this morning from my home owner's association rep who asked me to call our HOA President back IMMEDIATELY because he needed to talk to me about something that happened overnight.  Something about pipes.  Something about freezing.  Something about bursting.

Uh oh.

So, when I talked to President Wayne across the courtyard, he gave me the sad facts... or at least what he knew thus far.  It had gotten COLD in Nashville overnight and some of the water pipes froze and burst, causing some flooding in Q's place, downstairs from me.  They're not sure exactly where it came from or what my place even looks inside because they can't get in there, because I am... gone.  For this one weekend.  This whole month.

And, because I hadn't yet made an extra copy of a key to my place and given it to my trust friends and neighbors, Dave & Kortney (I know, I know), there's nothing I can do now except sit around and see what the plumber says when he checks out the outside of the house;  wait until I get back to Nashville at 3pm tomorrow after my Vegas show and wish there was something more I can do other than sit & wait.

Thistle Farms in NYC

Nashville, TN:  The organization which keeps me invigorated and busy during my downtime, Thistle Farms, is traveling to the New York City this weekend for a few speaking engagements, as well as a chance to sell their handmade bath & body products!  

Becca, the founder, and Katrina, one of the graduates and current sales manager of TF, will will be speaking on behalf of their new book, Find Your Way Home. The book was written by the entire community and contains 24 simple principles for healing as well as stories from the women in the program.

As luck would have it, I have a show this weekend, so I am unable to jet off to the Big Apple and help, but if you are in the NY area (or know other people that will be around), I would like to invite and encourage you to check out one of their speaking engagements and see what this little program (that changes people's lives!) is really all about.  

Here are the opportunities:

Thursday, January 15, 7:00pm
Home Party
Greenwich Village
*please contact Marlei (marlei@thistlefarms.org) for details

Friday, January 16, 3:00pm
Hosted by The Sanctuary for Families
Trinity Wall Street/Trinity Place - Parlor Room
Address/Directions: 74 Trinity Place, NY 10006

Sunday, January 18
Christ Church UMC
9:45 Adult Forum
11:00 Service
Address/Directions: 520 Park Avenue, NY 10065

Please send me a note here if you want more information, but more importantly, please send good vibes & silent prayers for a safe and prosperous trip for these ladies!

Choose My Own Distraction

Nashville, TN:  Despite a restless night of poor sleep (hate it), I began the first official full week of the year with a good start:  meditation, NPR news updates, a 7 mile bike ride and now at a local coffee shop to meet a friend and get a bit of work done.  

Work.  Ok, there's a bit of a problem with work.  It's not that I don't like to work --  I really enjoy my job and THRIVE on being busy;  it's not that I have too much work to do  -- I am very blessed & thankful to have time to come to coffee shops in the middle of the day;  it's just that I get easily distracted -- as shown by me writing a blog about it when I should be working.  

And besides my own blogging, there's tons of other distractions:  Facebook, for one (least I forget to update my status each day!), reading other people's blogs (especially random ones recommended by Google Reader - such as Bridget Jones Has Nothing On Me, Sweats In The City and Love Cynicism.  Am I THAT easily profiled!?) and now, as if those weren't enough, I have just been introduced to the Wovel.

A wovel is a web novel.  There's an installment every Monday. At the end of each one, the reader votes on what happens next and the authors write the next chapter based on the number of votes.  It's kind of like the Choose Your Own Adventure series I read as a kid.  Remember those?  You read a few pages then you are faced to make a decision behalf of the character.  Does he go into the dark, scary room (turn to page 27)?  Does he turn around and run away (turn to page 65)?  Somehow, my character tended to die a lot in the first round of choices, but the good news in CYOA books is that you always have a second chance!

So that's the basic concept, but on line and in novel form (versus 90 page and under soft cover book form).  My favorite part about the new format is that the creator, Victoria Blake, came up with the idea (and the name) with her friends and over a six-pack and a bag of Oreos.  Sounds to me that this woman actually gets it.

So, thanks to NPR and Underland Press for creating another distraction for me. 

Shit!  I gotta get back to work!  Where did the time go!?

Ease Into The New Year

Nashville, TN:  Instead of starting the new year with a hangover and a bad memory of the night before, I wanted ease into 2009 with great friends, small brunch-y treats, delicious drinks (including mimosas & bloody marys) and a room filled with 70s soft rock songs to really help us EASE into it!

I invited a few of my most favorite people in Nashville to join me in celebrating the first day of the new year and, true to my word, supplied 109 of my most loved soft rock songs from a few decades before.  Plus, lots of baby quiches and an amazing bacon cheese dip created by my friend, Sheri.

the spread....

the drink specials...

A few of the highlights to my shindig included having people write on my bathroom wall (that is painted with black chalboard paint),

they're used to giving autographs....

totally looks like a bathroom at a dingy club -- LOVE IT!

and the stereotypical bathroom humor (done by a member, of course)...

my art studio turning into a playroom for little people (also known as "kids"),

at one point, there were EIGHT of them in my house!

seeing two people together that I thought were the same person (think Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson),

Warren & Kenny.... or is it Kenny & Warren?

putting my camera down for ONE SECOND,

Go figure -- another band member...

and SEVEN HOURS of 70s love rock songs wafting throughout my home, including these 9 (in '09.... get it?!):

After the Love Has Gone - Earth Wind & Fire

Crazy Love - Poco

Make It With You - Bread

How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees

Danny's Song - Anne Murray (tho written by Loggins & Messina)

How Much I Feel - Ambrosia

Nights Are Forever Without You - England Dan & John Ford Coley

Sweet Love - Paul Davis

Private Eyes - Hall & Oates (technically an '80s song but one of the songwriters was at my party, so I felt it was totally appropriate!)

Ok, I have to stop listing songs now because I'm getting choked up just thinking about them!  (Soft rock love songs have that affect on me.)  Of course, the BEST part of the whole day was seeing and spending time (though not enough!) with some of my dearest friends.  I felt so very, very loved.  Each person who took time out of their busy lives to spend a few minutes or hours with me made the first day of the new year simply wonderful.

There's no other way I'd rather start off the new year!